Mom is going to camp!

Pack your bags Mom – you’re going to camp!  Don’t forget your slippers, best pyjamas, comfiest of clothes and…. maybe slip a bottle of wine into your bag, because this is not the kind of camp you send your kids to 🙂

Summer is almost over – unfortunately.  But it’s not all bad.  For me, and many of my clients, September is every mom’s January.  It’s time to get your life back!  You know what I mean 😉  We are at the end of 8-10 weeks of kids being at home, under foot.  We have spent the summer entertaining them and their friends, driving them around to various recreational activities, etc, etc.  Hopefully you have had a nice family vacation somewhere in there and maybe you sent your kids off to some kind of camp.  Hockey camp, horseback riding camp, tennis camp, day camp, art camp or perhaps away camp.  You researched what was available, chose the appropriate one, downloaded packing lists or “to bring” lists, organized, dropped off, picked up your own and perhaps others as well.  Busy busy busy.

Here’s my question: What did you do for yourself this summer?  Just you?  Not you and the kids, not you and your spouse… Just YOU… Yeah, that’s what I thought.  That makes you just like every other mother, young or old.  Everyone else comes first and when that’s all done and paid for there is no time and/or money left for you.  It is my passion and desire in life to change that for every hard-working, self-sacrificing, wonderful, loving and accomplished mother out there.  Even those who haven’t had young kids at home for a while.  I bet you still haven’t done much for yourself.  You just might be doing a little less for them… Am I right?

It came to be as a dream goal of mine.  You see; while I was raising 4 incredible boys and giving them, and their father, all of my time, energy and love, I somehow lost my dreams and myself, truth be told.  When my husband and I separated after 19 years of marriage, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or what my dream was.  For the past 20 years all my dreams tied into his goals and dreams or those of our boys.  Suddenly I found myself asking WHO I was, WHAT I wanted and what happiness was to me.  It was an incredible journey that helped me find true inner joy.  I have always been a happy person of nature, but this was different.  I was in touch with myself.  Decisions became easy because I was in touch with the part of me that told me if it felt right nor not.

There were 6 lessons I learned that got me there:

1. I had to learn to really listen to what mattered to me.  Not everyone else… ME.
2. I had to learn what forgiveness was.  I thought I did, but I had no idea.  I learned to let go.
3. In order to do this I had to learn to love myself.  It was easier than I thought it would be.
4. I let my girlfriends help me get there.
5. I learned how to dream – big!  This is not about money, it’s about purpose, passion and fun.
6. I made a decision to not let fear of failure stop me.

I became a wonder woman 🙂

And now it is your turn.  Do for you what you have always done for your kids.  You send them to camp’s so they can learn more and have fun with their peers.  You sign them up for extra curricular sports teams so they can be active and healthy with other kids and learn about the benefits of being part of a team.  Your parents maybe did this for you, but when is the last time you spent time among other women, being kind to yourself, paying attention only to what you want and need?  When is the last time you took some time for you?  You know I am right.

You don’t say no to your kids, so stop always saying no to yourself!

I am so excited to be able to provide an opportunity for some very special women to do just that.  A place where you can feel safe and loved so you can let yourself dream and just be you.

So pack your bags mom, cause you’re going to camp!

See you there 🙂

Elisabeth xo

Finding my Happy Place

Lately I have not been in my good place as much as I like to be and usually am. Different elements in my life have been allowed to creep in to make me feel this way. I say ‘allowed’ because usually I am able to keep most of this at bay and not let it affect me for any length of time. I am not in my happy place. I need to get back to being Queen Bee. When I am in Queen Bee mode I feel I can do anything. I am productive, happy and full of energy. I laugh more, exercise more and sleep better. This weekend I am borrowing a friend’s cottage. My husband was going to come with me but had to work unfortunately. I spent some time being sad about this, as well as feeling a little sorry for myself since my boys are having a fun “bros weekend” together at their Dad’s cottage (we are divorced). I wish they were with me, not him. As the weekend came closer I started looking forward to the fact that I was going to be alone. Alone to get back to my happy place, to find time to get inspired, to shake off the negative in my life. I need to get my Queen Bee back, because then I can kick this negativity out the door and conquer my world again. I need to walk my talk and do some self care. So this weekend I will kick my stress out the door by focusing on my blessings and being thankful and mindful of what I have.

Went for a bike ride and saw some beautiful views of Georgian Bay

My morning affirmation and promise to myself:

It is not coincidence that I am here this weekend. I take this time because I value myself, and love letting my inspiration and ideas take hold. I am creative and brilliant. Negative things happen, but they do not rule my life. My life is bigger than that. I am blessed with family, friends and my health. I can do amazing things and I will.

I am my Queen Bee

I wish my husband was here, but I am also fortunate to have such an understanding husband who has no problem with me leaving for the weekend. And I love that my four sons value their time together. They are very close and for that I am so happy. There! Better already 😉 Now it’s your turn. Sit down somewhere quiet and undisturbed. Promise yourself that you will honor your ideas, your body and your inner being. Be grateful for what you have and mindful of all the good that happens in your life every day. Small, seemingly insignificant moments make us happy if we take the time to notice. Take a few extra seconds to enjoy a hug from a child, a smile from a friend or stranger, a touch from a loved one or a beautiful, sunny day. I promise, when you spend a few extra seconds in these little moments, your entire day will be better. Try it and let me know. And while you are busy doing that, I will be planning the next Wonder Woman Retreat, where it is all about my ladies and their own Self-Care plan.  Will you be one of the few to join us?

Elisabeth

Difficult conversations with your kids

This definitely came to mind when I was thinking of things no one prepared me for when I became a mother.

Really scary right?!?  Am I saying the right thing? Giving the right advice?

There are several topics that may come to mind when I say this; and the sex talk may top the list for many… In fact, please comment below and name the topic you found the hardest to discuss with your child.

For me, the sex talk was no big deal.  Their father wouldn’t and said so, therefore I did.

I find it much more difficult when they come to me with a big, life-effecting questions like what kind of education to pursue; whether or not to break up with a girlfriend; or when needing help dealing with a friend-ship gone bad; self-esteem issues or other “life sucks sometimes” kind stuff.  It’s those times you just don’t know what to say because you might be too upset and don’t know what to say.  Or, maybe you are afraid to say the wrong thing.  Both of these have happened to me – several times.  I find it best if I just take a deep breath and think a little bit before I start saying something.

One of the most difficult conversations I ever had with one of my children was when my one of boys came to me because he felt he was fat.  He was in tears.  My knee-jerk reaction was to immediately deny; “no you’re not”.  But the thing was, he had gained weight.  He actually was a little over-weight.  But he was 13 and I didn’t want to create or feed any kind of body image issues, because I also knew that he hadn’t had his growth spurt yet and boys often fill ‘out’ before they grow taller.  No matter what I said he just kept getting more angry and upset.  He told me stop telling him he wasn’t fat and rather tell him what he can do.  So I did.  You can read the rest of that story here.  It turned out to be a really good conversation that allowed me to address a very difficult topic in a healthy and informative way.  Educating him and not belittle or diminish his problem by placating his concern.

Before I had children, I always thought the hardest part would be the early years when they don’t sleep, cry a lot, throw temper tantrums etc etc.  It never occurred to me that these years were the easiest.  Crazy busy, but emotionally easier.  Now, one of the things I often say is that those were easier years in that I always knew where my children were and how to solve their problems.  I lost sleep due fevers, stuffy noses and teething, not because I was living their worry – if you know what I mean.  They often come to me late at night with what is troubling them.  “Mom, can I talk to you?”  Of course!  So, I listen, I feel their emotions, I advise as best I know how.  They go off to bed and sleep well, feeling relieved and better after talking to me and for this I am so grateful.  I go off to bed and lie awake half the night worrying about whether I said the right thing and all the possible outcomes (worst case scenarios being the most prevalent).  I have a lot of grey hairs to show for this 😉  I love that they come to me and I never want them to stop, but I also find it mentally exhausting.   It is this emotional exhaustion I never expected, never knew about.

I get exhausted from carrying their burden.  Because as soon as they share it with me, it is mine as well.  And sometimes it is simply too much for me – there is 4 of them after all!  And sometimes I have a fair bit of my own stuff to deal with….  I will come across as impatient or ask them to figure it out on their own.  I feel so bad when I do this.  The thing is, sometimes it’s just too much for me and I don’t know how to help them.  They are looking for a solution and I can’t even figure my own life out.  I never knew how much I would feel their worry, sorrow and joy (more about that in the next post).  Their ups and downs.  I want to solve all their worries and make them happy every day. But life doesn’t work that way.  I am really good at handling my own ups and downs, but theirs… that’s a whole different story.

Thanks for checking back in!  You can read the previous, related posts here:

Life is different as a Mom (parent)

Is there something I could have done differently?

Mother Guilt

10 ways to get excited about your life

What does your “Queen Bee” look like

While working with my life coach a while back he asked me to name the voice inside my head that believes in me.  Do you know the voice I mean?  It’s your true, inner voice; the one that tells you you can; the one that believes in you, the one that kicks ass.  The way this works for me is that when I listen to this voice, I believe I can.  It helps me trust myself to move forward, make that decision, take that step.  This is my Queen Bee.

Cute, but not helpful

As I am moving forward with a new business venture and busy making one of my dreams come true I find myself calling on my Queen Bee more and more often.  Because right alongside my QB is my doubter voice, the one that tries to say “maybe I can’t” or, “I don’t know how”.

Now that I am connecting with, and listening to, my Queen Bee, things are happening and I am excited!!  It continuously amazes me how things fall into place somehow when I listen to that voice, when I believe in what I am doing and what I can do. I love living with excitement and joy in my life.  I love waking up looking forward to whatever the day is going to bring.  And I love sharing this amplified way of living with others and with you.

So, let me share some of the ways that I get myself to this place joyful place of confidence, life mastery and living true to myself:

1. Pay attention to what your body and soul is telling you.  Notice when your body responds with enthusiasm and joy to a thought or an idea.  This is your inner voice telling you, you are on the right path.
2. Exercise.  When I am working out I get pumped about my ideas.  Especially when I am on my own, letting my ideas flow.  Working out makes me feel strong and capable.  Love this amazing feeling and the high I feel when walking out of the gym or when finishing a trail ride in the forest.  When you are good to your body it will respond positively and be good to you
3. Surround yourself with people who support you and believe in you.  Period.  That’s it.  Walk away from people who try to tell you that you can’t.  They just want to drag you down with them.
4. Listen to music that gets your mojo going
5. Be mindful.  Mindful of your surroundings, the small moments, time with loved ones.
6. Enjoy nature.  I am always taken back by the effect nature can have on me.  I love grabbing my notebook and just sitting and letting the ideas flow, or I just let nature fill me up with its’ beauty and strength
7. Show your love generously and you will be loved back just as generously.  Sharing your love of life and others feels great.
8. Time with friends – good friends
9. Work with a coach, or find a mentor, or someone who can help you.  Asking for help only makes you stronger.
10. BELIEVE. IN. YOU.

I went for a trail ride this morning and recorded my first “action” video.  Please be kind…. Feeling a little nervous about publishing it, but my Queen Bee is telling me to go for it so I am.

5 Things I would say to a New or Expectant Mom

First, let me say; I remember when I was pregnant, becoming mentally exhausted (and slightly scared) from all the well meaning, but unsolicited, and often unwanted, advice I received. Unfortunately, most of the advice given is scary, negative, old-fashioned and “I know best” kind of advice. I can honestly not remember one person who simply told me how much fun this was going to be. Or, how delivering a baby doesn’t necessarily turn you into a shrieking, husband-hating monster. Everyone is always so happy for you, yet, they can’t come up with one positive thing to say.

So, here is what I will want to say (if she asks…) to my future daughter-in-laws about how to survive, enjoy and graduate from motherhood (not that we ever stop being moms)

1.  Nourish yourself spiritually, emotionally and physically. You are about to become a mother, don’t lose yourself

While you are trying to become pregnant or are pregnant, pay attention to the little things that nourish you as a woman, a person and a friend and wife. What are the things that make you smile; make you feel happy and fulfilled? Is it time alone with

Practicing Self-Care helps you take care of you.

your spouse and/or friends? Is alone time important to you? Reading? Pick at least one of these and make time for it once the baby has arrived. You can do this AND be a wonderful, committed mother.

Prioritize your health. Learn what you need to about preparing for, pregnancy and recovering post partum. Find and see your local Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist. Learn about the inside of your body and pelvic floor. Do your Kegels and bind your belly immediately post partum.

2.  Treasure the moments

If you already have kids I am sure you have already heard advice like “don’t rush through it”, “enjoy, they grow so fast”. I heard it so many times, but still would think: “I wish he would walk soon”, “If only he could talk and tell me what he wants”

My oldest and I

I can tell you as someone who has 4 grown children and just moved one of my youngest out – They are right! Enjoy the small moments and the wonder. I know it gets crazy at times with these little, not always cooperating, but adorable people. I now spend a fair bit of time reminiscing and enjoying those memories in my mind. You see, I listened to that advice, but not well enough. I really tried to still my day and sit down with my boys and just enjoy the story they were telling, the cuddle or simply watching them do their thing quietly, but I worried about my house-work too. Now that they are older I still look for any opportunity to sit down and enjoy time with my boys.

3.  Parent in a way that feels right for you and your partner.

I figured out early on that I really only wanted to ask for and listen to advice from certain friends/family members, namely, those with similar parenting beliefs and philosophies. So, I rarely give advice, unless asked. And I never asked for advice except from those specific moms. That way you are not getting judged simply for asking and you don’t have to listen to advice you have no intention of following. Except for from your mother and mother-in-law of course, because they will give you advice whether you want it or not. Just listen, smile and nod…and then erase from your memory so it doesn’t sneak up on you in a weak moment 😉

4.  Prioritize your marriage/relationship

Your marriage comes first! You got together and had a family for a reason, now you owe it not only to yourselves, but to your children to make this work. I am divorced, and I can honestly say, there is no hockey game or practice, ballet recital, or homework assignment that is more important than that. Parenting and maintaining your relationship are two equally important entities. Obviously you will meet your children’s basic needs of life and much more. Make it just as important to do something for your relationship with your spouse every day. It can be really small like sitting down for 5 minutes together – alone and just being together; a kiss and a hug at the end of every day; a sweet text to say you are thinking of each other. And yes, schedule date nights – often, even if that simply means going to bed early and not watching television… 😉

5.  Be a mother, not a friend to your children

I too often hear mothers brag about how they are “best friends” with their daughter. It is great if you are close and share and talk to each other openly, but your daughter is not your bff, nor are you hers. Being a mother is a true privilege and pleasure and a very unique place in life. You are a confidant, advisor and the one who loves them without condition or limitation. With you they are completely safe. Safe to be wrong, inconsiderate, apologetic, remorseful, wonderful, funny, goofy and so much more. There is a life long bond between a mother and child that doesn’t need the tag of “best friends” to have meaning. Because when we try to be best friends we try not to displease. We don’t say things that might upset or anger them, and thus we stop parenting. It is our job as parents to say the things they don’t want to hear when they need to hear it. It is their friends’ job to cheer them up when you do. My boys don’t think of me as their best friend. I am their mother. I am always there for them and they know that. I am their first call when they need something, or want to share an experience. I feel so lucky to be that. I know one day their wives will take that place, but I also know they will still call me and check in, because that’s what we do.

Walking behind them I could actually see their little toddler self. I am so proud of the young men they have become.

Oh dear, this ended up being a little longer than I intended it to be, but thank you for sticking with me to the end. I would love to hear from you! What is the one thing you will tell a young mom one day?

With love, Elisabeth

I found my joy. How can I help other women do the same?

I had the pleasure of spending a day with a bright, sweet, kind, creative, beautiful young woman this weekend.  We talked about dreams, wants, the future.  You know, small stuff 😉

She just finished her first degree, but like so many young people her age has no idea where to go from here.  Back to school?  Work?  In what field?  I asked her what would her dream job look like.  She smiled.  She was dreaming for a moment, but then said “I don’t know”.  She had gone to her dream place and then dismissed it due to self-doubt in seconds.

I asked her; if there were absolutely no limitations (money, education, knowledge etc), what would her dream job be?  Now she thought a little longer and then told me her dream, and then quickly told me that there is no way it would work.  How many of you do that?  Dream and then dismiss the dream?  I used to do that all the time and honestly still do sometimes.  But I am learning to believe in my dreams whatever they may be and am loving the opportunities, people and experiences that have come into my life as a result.

I first learned this in my early 40’s.  I wish I had sooner, but better late than never.  It is my passion, and dream to help other women do the same.

No matter what your dream is, no matter what stage of life you are at; believe in your dream and you will live it.

This didn’t happen over night for me.  Without knowing what was happening at the time, and as a result of a life-altering event, I took myself on a self-discovery journey and what a joyful journey it was.  I learned so much about myself.  I learned to be happy.  I learned to forgive.  I learned what it feels like to live with joy and it is way better than without.

I have lived more, been happier, experienced more and done more in the last 5 years than in all the years previous put together.  And I have loved every second of it 🙂  I stopped living FOR others.  I live for myself.  I give myself freely, and without resentment to my children, my husband and my loved ones.   I give to make others happy because it makes me happy.  But first, I give to myself.

This is not selfish, this is self-love.  And when we love ourselves we can so much more easily love others, love what we do, and simply love life.

The young lady I spoke of earlier has a dream and it is a beautiful dream.  She couldn’t stop herself from smiling when she allowed herself to think about it as a possible reality.  She struggles with the contradictory expectations and doubts of her family, friends and society.  I told her to just put it in motion.

“Start doing today what you have to do to make your dream a reality”

Every little step counts.  But only if you truly believe in you and your dream.

What is your dream?  Are you on your way?

Dream big and never give up!

Elisabeth xo

Learn to live YOUR optimal life at our WonderWoman Retreat

My story of how I discovered my true self

My journey of self discovery and “finding myself”, as corny as that sounds, started 7 years ago when my marriage of almost 20 years came to a rather abrupt and unexpected end.  I remember reading somewhere during that very difficult time that if you are struggling with your self-esteem and sense of worth to email your friends and family and ask them to describe you with only one word.  At this point I couldn’t possibly feel any worse about myself, so I tried it.  Every single one of those who responded used the same word – strong.  Try it!  You might learn something about yourself.

Strong…. I was so surprised.  That was the last thing I felt I was.  I had just found out about my husband’s year-long affair and very much felt that the rug had been pulled from under me.  My entire world had been turned upside down.  My boys were crying and sad.  The ex was angry that I was calling it quits.  I felt betrayed, unworthy, profoundly sad, incredibly angry and completely unstable.  At any given time, anywhere, I was at the verge of tears.  I had to leave the gym once in the middle of a workout (though for the most part working out is what saved me).  I love reading but was unable to focus on anything more than a sentence for over a year.  I felt incredibly vulnerable and at the verge of breaking at anytime.

But I didn’t…. I held it together – for the most part.  The first four months after finding out, my boys did not know anything yet.  I cried daily, in the bathroom, but they never saw that.  I hardly slept, but they didn’t know that.  I took good care of myself because it made me feel better and it was something I could control unlike the rest of my world.  I managed to hide the physical anxiety reaction I had every time he came over unannounced and was unpleasant to me in front of the boys.  I stayed calm and quiet in the storm – for my boys.  And I realized, I was much stronger than I thought.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some moments I am not proud of, where my emotions got the best of me and my reactions were desperate and frantic.   But I learned something about myself during this time.  I was strong.  And it was my strength and ability to maintain some kind of normalcy that helped my boys through that first year after their father moved out.  The rules remained the same;  Dinner time happened at the same time as always; I was there for them, as always.  As time went on I spent a lot of time thinking.  About what I wanted and what I didn’t want; about what went wrong, on both our parts.  I tried to figure out what I wanted out of life and out of a partner.  I knew what I didn’t want, but wasn’t sure yet, if I could trust myself to know what I did want, or if I was worthy of something good and real.

Almost a year after my marriage ended, I was on a plane to Vancouver, watching a romantic movie called “PS, I love you“.  For some reason this movie triggered some really strong emotions in me, and a lot of tears!  To make a long story short, I found my inner voice, and I listened!  As I listened I felt so free and an incredible joy.  I knew that day what I wanted out of life and what was important to me, and I was not afraid to go after it.  I was crying tears of joy!  I shared this experience in more detail in a previous post, so I won’t repeat myself here.  However, I do want to say this; as the years have passed since then, my life has been so different and so much better.  I am happy – every day.  It has amazed me how much lighter I feel and I no longer feel the need to climb into my pink box to protect myself and feel safe.  I am safe on the outside now.  Oh, I don’t think I have told you about the pink box yet.  That will be a story for another time… 🙂

I shared this with you because I am hoping that by telling my story I can help you, if you are struggling in some way.  Whether you are divorced, single, married or all of the above, there are times when things just seem wrong.  It might not be something big like an affair.  In fact, it could just be this feeling… a feeling that things are not quite right, that something is missing perhaps.  It is my goal to help you identify and listen to that feeling, that inner voice.  Your voice is talking to you, but it is not always easy to listen.  It might be saying something we don’t want to hear, or we don’t know how to make a change.  Everybody deserves to make themselves happy, to feel good about themselves, to live their dream life and to feel happiness and joy daily.

I welcome you to share your story with me

From my heart to yours –  Design a Life You Love