Mom is going to camp!

Pack your bags Mom – you’re going to camp!  Don’t forget your slippers, best pyjamas, comfiest of clothes and…. maybe slip a bottle of wine into your bag, because this is not the kind of camp you send your kids to 🙂

Summer is almost over – unfortunately.  But it’s not all bad.  For me, and many of my clients, September is every mom’s January.  It’s time to get your life back!  You know what I mean 😉  We are at the end of 8-10 weeks of kids being at home, under foot.  We have spent the summer entertaining them and their friends, driving them around to various recreational activities, etc, etc.  Hopefully you have had a nice family vacation somewhere in there and maybe you sent your kids off to some kind of camp.  Hockey camp, horseback riding camp, tennis camp, day camp, art camp or perhaps away camp.  You researched what was available, chose the appropriate one, downloaded packing lists or “to bring” lists, organized, dropped off, picked up your own and perhaps others as well.  Busy busy busy.

Here’s my question: What did you do for yourself this summer?  Just you?  Not you and the kids, not you and your spouse… Just YOU… Yeah, that’s what I thought.  That makes you just like every other mother, young or old.  Everyone else comes first and when that’s all done and paid for there is no time and/or money left for you.  It is my passion and desire in life to change that for every hard-working, self-sacrificing, wonderful, loving and accomplished mother out there.  Even those who haven’t had young kids at home for a while.  I bet you still haven’t done much for yourself.  You just might be doing a little less for them… Am I right?

It came to be as a dream goal of mine.  You see; while I was raising 4 incredible boys and giving them, and their father, all of my time, energy and love, I somehow lost my dreams and myself, truth be told.  When my husband and I separated after 19 years of marriage, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or what my dream was.  For the past 20 years all my dreams tied into his goals and dreams or those of our boys.  Suddenly I found myself asking WHO I was, WHAT I wanted and what happiness was to me.  It was an incredible journey that helped me find true inner joy.  I have always been a happy person of nature, but this was different.  I was in touch with myself.  Decisions became easy because I was in touch with the part of me that told me if it felt right nor not.

There were 6 lessons I learned that got me there:

1. I had to learn to really listen to what mattered to me.  Not everyone else… ME.
2. I had to learn what forgiveness was.  I thought I did, but I had no idea.  I learned to let go.
3. In order to do this I had to learn to love myself.  It was easier than I thought it would be.
4. I let my girlfriends help me get there.
5. I learned how to dream – big!  This is not about money, it’s about purpose, passion and fun.
6. I made a decision to not let fear of failure stop me.

I became a wonder woman 🙂

And now it is your turn.  Do for you what you have always done for your kids.  You send them to camp’s so they can learn more and have fun with their peers.  You sign them up for extra curricular sports teams so they can be active and healthy with other kids and learn about the benefits of being part of a team.  Your parents maybe did this for you, but when is the last time you spent time among other women, being kind to yourself, paying attention only to what you want and need?  When is the last time you took some time for you?  You know I am right.

You don’t say no to your kids, so stop always saying no to yourself!

I am so excited to be able to provide an opportunity for some very special women to do just that.  A place where you can feel safe and loved so you can let yourself dream and just be you.

So pack your bags mom, cause you’re going to camp!

See you there 🙂

Elisabeth xo

The University drop-off

Back to school… ~ “the most wonderful time of the year” according to Staples and many, many parents who are done with their kids being underfoot all summer, treating the kitchen like a buffet restaurant, constantly bored yet never available to help with anything.  We yearn for a routine again, or at least I always did.

This year was different.  I dreaded Labour Day weekend and back to school, because my youngest two, my twin boys, were heading off to two different Universities to start their freshman year.  This is it; parenting as I have known it for 24 years is over.

Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly proud of them and happy for them.  This is what they worked so hard for in high-school and they both were accepted in to the programs they wanted.  But they are my babies…  My 18-year-old, 6′ something ‘babies’.  So, I cried a little every day for a week or so leading up to the “big weekend”.  My family anticipated Niagara Falls when saying good-bye, but I held it together.

We left early Saturday morning as Thomas had been given the first move-in time slot at U of Guelph.  I have never seen two teenagers so happy to be up at 5:30am EVER.  The truck was FULL.  It was all very exciting.  I could feel their anticipation and even after all these years remember my move to residence.  It was really nice to see how much Jackson helped him and made a point of walking around the floor introducing them to Thomas’ new floor mates.  He was getting pretty excited about his move the next day.  We got Thomas all settled, had some lunch, bought books and toured the campus a little before heading out when his Orientation activities were about to start.  It was time to say goodbye… For those of you who haven’t done it yet, it is really strange to walk away from your child knowing you are not going to see them again for weeks.  It is sad and strange. For those of you who have done it before, you know what I mean.

As much as Jackson wanted me to, I didn’t wake him early but let him sleep and we had a nice breakfast before heading off to U of Waterloo.  The move-in went very smoothly.  My husband (his step-dad), headed off for a bike ride.  I was supposed to go with him, but couldn’t.  I wanted to spend the time with my son.  And we had such a nice time setting up his room, walking around and having lunch before it was time for us to leave.  It was sad to say goodbye and again, weird to walk away.  He felt it too.

I held it together all the way home.

And then I went downstairs where their room is and where they hang out when at home.

Then I cried.  I missed them so much.

I know from when I dropped my older two off that it gets easier and on some level I will get used to them not being here, but I will miss them.  I feel sad.  I realize this is not just because they have left for school.  I am mourning a time in my life that is over.  I am done raising kids. Done with the daily obligations of making lunches, checking/helping with homework, making sure they eat their veggies, taking them to their extracurriculars.  No more daily chats in the kitchen after school, no more good-night hugs.  I loved all of it and will miss it.  But I know we are all (5 of us) moving towards great things and I will enjoy every moment of that as well.

I wish my boys the best of luck and can’t wait to see you when you come home again. In the meantime I will enjoy the phone calls telling me about the parties from one and all about running practices from the other.  I am so grateful for every moment I have shared with my four boys as they were growing up, and also for how they still love to share their lives and happenings with me.  I am a very lucky mom.

Please share your University drop-off story

Elisabeth

Back to school and the cost of it all

Are your kids ready for back to school?  Are you?

For 17 years I started getting my children ready for school around this time of year… maybe a couple of weeks later..  Some years it meant teaching them to tie their shoe laces, or to be able to go to the bathroom without assistance.  Or, we would practice reading and spelling and writing their name correctly.  Having four boys, the whole shopping thing wasn’t too big of a deal.  As long as they had clean shorts and a cool new T-shirt they were good to go for first day back.  Some new pencils, paper, notebooks and a back-pack and they were ready!  I would purchase new containers for their lunches and snacks and start dreading making those lunches and snacks.  It all adds up financially, but I always found it manageable.  I was thankful for not having girls as the back to school wardrobe can be quite plentiful and expensive as I have witnessed with my step-daughters.  Days at the mall with their mother, several new outfits to choose from that will at the very least allow them to wear something totally awesome, and new, each day for the first week.  And then comes the stress of choosing which outfit for day 1 and day 2…  But that’s another story.

This year is different for me.  My two youngest, the twins, are heading off to University at the end of this month.  Aside from the emotional state the thought of this puts me in, it is considerably more costly.  Bedding, mini fridges, snack foods, laundry hampers, laundry detergent, vitamins, school supplies, laptopssssss – yes, two.  Yikes!!!!  Last night one was kind enough to let me know that the Macbook Pro he wants is $100 off….  It is still going to cost me over $1000.  Not to mention that his twin brother is studying computer science and programming and will need a computer of some greater capabilities and thus higher cost.

The very stressful, and now sleep depriving reality is that I can not afford even one of these laptops.  I am worried enough about the bedding etc..  Maybe I have some old stuff they can use and laundry hampers aren’t that expensive….  I have appealed to them to speak with their father about purchasing laptops, but am fearful that this won’t be very fruitful.  Then what do I do?  Go into debt to buy them?  I will have to, because they obviously can not go to University without.  It has become a necessity for students, not just a luxury.  And of course they will need printers as well…..and printer paper, cartridges….

I am trying so hard to not let them feel my pain surrounding this strain, though I have had to be honest with them to some degree.  I just paid off all my debts this summer, something that felt great in a cleansing sort of way.  And here I sit again with that familiar ache in my gut that says; I need to make more money.  I need to work harder.  I need to do better for my kids.

I envy those who don’t have to worry about these things.  I didn’t in the past when my two oldest headed off.  I had the money then.  But one divorce later, things are different.

However, envy will get me nowhere except feeling lousy.  So, this too shall pass.  I will send my boys off to school with what they need and focus on what I need to do instead of what I don’t have.   Because I have so much.  I have them, and they make me so proud and happy.

Today I feel inspired to find the solution.  Today I will make this work!

Mom