Mom is going to camp!

Pack your bags Mom – you’re going to camp!  Don’t forget your slippers, best pyjamas, comfiest of clothes and…. maybe slip a bottle of wine into your bag, because this is not the kind of camp you send your kids to 🙂

Summer is almost over – unfortunately.  But it’s not all bad.  For me, and many of my clients, September is every mom’s January.  It’s time to get your life back!  You know what I mean 😉  We are at the end of 8-10 weeks of kids being at home, under foot.  We have spent the summer entertaining them and their friends, driving them around to various recreational activities, etc, etc.  Hopefully you have had a nice family vacation somewhere in there and maybe you sent your kids off to some kind of camp.  Hockey camp, horseback riding camp, tennis camp, day camp, art camp or perhaps away camp.  You researched what was available, chose the appropriate one, downloaded packing lists or “to bring” lists, organized, dropped off, picked up your own and perhaps others as well.  Busy busy busy.

Here’s my question: What did you do for yourself this summer?  Just you?  Not you and the kids, not you and your spouse… Just YOU… Yeah, that’s what I thought.  That makes you just like every other mother, young or old.  Everyone else comes first and when that’s all done and paid for there is no time and/or money left for you.  It is my passion and desire in life to change that for every hard-working, self-sacrificing, wonderful, loving and accomplished mother out there.  Even those who haven’t had young kids at home for a while.  I bet you still haven’t done much for yourself.  You just might be doing a little less for them… Am I right?

It came to be as a dream goal of mine.  You see; while I was raising 4 incredible boys and giving them, and their father, all of my time, energy and love, I somehow lost my dreams and myself, truth be told.  When my husband and I separated after 19 years of marriage, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted or what my dream was.  For the past 20 years all my dreams tied into his goals and dreams or those of our boys.  Suddenly I found myself asking WHO I was, WHAT I wanted and what happiness was to me.  It was an incredible journey that helped me find true inner joy.  I have always been a happy person of nature, but this was different.  I was in touch with myself.  Decisions became easy because I was in touch with the part of me that told me if it felt right nor not.

There were 6 lessons I learned that got me there:

1. I had to learn to really listen to what mattered to me.  Not everyone else… ME.
2. I had to learn what forgiveness was.  I thought I did, but I had no idea.  I learned to let go.
3. In order to do this I had to learn to love myself.  It was easier than I thought it would be.
4. I let my girlfriends help me get there.
5. I learned how to dream – big!  This is not about money, it’s about purpose, passion and fun.
6. I made a decision to not let fear of failure stop me.

I became a wonder woman 🙂

And now it is your turn.  Do for you what you have always done for your kids.  You send them to camp’s so they can learn more and have fun with their peers.  You sign them up for extra curricular sports teams so they can be active and healthy with other kids and learn about the benefits of being part of a team.  Your parents maybe did this for you, but when is the last time you spent time among other women, being kind to yourself, paying attention only to what you want and need?  When is the last time you took some time for you?  You know I am right.

You don’t say no to your kids, so stop always saying no to yourself!

I am so excited to be able to provide an opportunity for some very special women to do just that.  A place where you can feel safe and loved so you can let yourself dream and just be you.

So pack your bags mom, cause you’re going to camp!

See you there 🙂

Elisabeth xo

Finding my Happy Place

Lately I have not been in my good place as much as I like to be and usually am. Different elements in my life have been allowed to creep in to make me feel this way. I say ‘allowed’ because usually I am able to keep most of this at bay and not let it affect me for any length of time. I am not in my happy place. I need to get back to being Queen Bee. When I am in Queen Bee mode I feel I can do anything. I am productive, happy and full of energy. I laugh more, exercise more and sleep better. This weekend I am borrowing a friend’s cottage. My husband was going to come with me but had to work unfortunately. I spent some time being sad about this, as well as feeling a little sorry for myself since my boys are having a fun “bros weekend” together at their Dad’s cottage (we are divorced). I wish they were with me, not him. As the weekend came closer I started looking forward to the fact that I was going to be alone. Alone to get back to my happy place, to find time to get inspired, to shake off the negative in my life. I need to get my Queen Bee back, because then I can kick this negativity out the door and conquer my world again. I need to walk my talk and do some self care. So this weekend I will kick my stress out the door by focusing on my blessings and being thankful and mindful of what I have.

Went for a bike ride and saw some beautiful views of Georgian Bay

My morning affirmation and promise to myself:

It is not coincidence that I am here this weekend. I take this time because I value myself, and love letting my inspiration and ideas take hold. I am creative and brilliant. Negative things happen, but they do not rule my life. My life is bigger than that. I am blessed with family, friends and my health. I can do amazing things and I will.

I am my Queen Bee

I wish my husband was here, but I am also fortunate to have such an understanding husband who has no problem with me leaving for the weekend. And I love that my four sons value their time together. They are very close and for that I am so happy. There! Better already 😉 Now it’s your turn. Sit down somewhere quiet and undisturbed. Promise yourself that you will honor your ideas, your body and your inner being. Be grateful for what you have and mindful of all the good that happens in your life every day. Small, seemingly insignificant moments make us happy if we take the time to notice. Take a few extra seconds to enjoy a hug from a child, a smile from a friend or stranger, a touch from a loved one or a beautiful, sunny day. I promise, when you spend a few extra seconds in these little moments, your entire day will be better. Try it and let me know. And while you are busy doing that, I will be planning the next Wonder Woman Retreat, where it is all about my ladies and their own Self-Care plan.  Will you be one of the few to join us?

Elisabeth

Hot and bothered…

I have to start by saying that as a Personal Trainer I am overall healthy, fit, strong and well.  As such I hope (and pray) that certain “problems” won’t afflict me.  For example, it is my belief that peri- and menopausal weight gain is not a must just because we age.  Weight gain is weight gain.  It doesn’t just miraculously happen because we hit a certain age.   I have researched and found science to back this up.  And so far, this has been true for me.  However, let me say this; that IF you gain weight during this time in life, you will gain it in different places.  Yes, you will lose your butt and move everything right onto your midsection.  This is another annoying hormonal certainty.  I will cover this in greater detail in another post.

Another issue I was hoping to avoid was hot-flashes.  And even if they did happen “how bad could it be – really?”  After all I am used to sweating when I work out.  I started getting them occasionally a couple of years ago.  And at that time they lived up to expectations.  No big deal.  Yes, they woke me up occasionally, but no big deal.  And then it got worse.  Much worse.  I have hardly slept through the night in 3 months.  The funny thing is I wake up just before I get hot.  I find myself wondering why I am awake and then it comes like a wave from the core of my body – HEAT!!  Despite the fan over our bed and the window open (my husband is freezing he says); OFF with the covers, not that this really makes any real difference anyway.  I fall back asleep only to wake up from either being cold since I have no covers on, or another hot-flash.  And so goes the night.

In an effort to avoid HRT (Hormone replacement therapy), I have researched more natural options, only to find out that the products that might help also have all kinds of unpleasant possible side-effects.  I often realize that people think just because it is natural it is obviously good for you, but natural remedies can be very powerful and with all kinds of side-effects as well as negative interactions with other medications and supplements.

So, what to do?  I am currently researching HRT as that is what my doctor has recommended.  There are some other physical issues that may warrant this other than just the hot-flashes.  Plus, if I don’t get a little sleep soon then there could be some really serious consequences for those who live around me.  Thankfully the nights are much colder now and our room reaches such a cool temperature at night that I am sleeping better.  Maybe I can do this drug and herb free after all??

I find myself thinking about what will happen in the winter when I am layered in scarves and turtle-necks and suddenly get one of these hot-flashes?  I think the key is layering, and perhaps my love for turtlenecks and sweaters has to stay in my closet this winter.  For now, I will go out and buy my husband some really nice warm pj’s.  He really should be thanking me! 😉

As I take you with me on my midlife journey, I am hoping for lots of comments and suggestions here, so please share!

Elisabeth (hot and bothered)

10 Self-Care steps

What does self-care mean to you?  

Some think of it as going out for a manicure every now and then, an occasional exercise class or a night out with friends….”me time”.  And that is definitely part of it.  But self-care is about so much more than that.

As a self-care coach of women for the last 15 years I have learned that while women will take time to do these things, this does not mean they are practicing good self-care.  In a nutshell:

Self-care is you taking care of you.  It’s about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It is about asking for help when you need it and letting go of resentment and negative self talk. Self care is about treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.

I didn’t know much about self-care a number of years ago.  But as a result of life experience, both professionally and personally I learned to take care of myself, and it changed everything!

I spent 19 years in a marriage that was not good for me.  I was too young to know any better when we met, fell in love and the rest is history.  As our marriage progressed and the hurt and resentment built I was forced to take care of myself or I was afraid of what was going to happen to me.  I spent so much time being anxious, hurt and resentful.  I created a “pink box” in my mind which became my safe and somewhat happy place.  I liked my pink box.  There I was strong, in control, ME.  Pink boxes are not good for marriages, but ours was lost anyway.  When the marriage ended I got rid of my pink box and stepped out in the world, hurt, betrayed and feeling like the rug had been pulled from under me.  I remember saying to myself  “Stand tall and be strong.  You can’t fall apart now, you have the boys to think of!  Take care of yourself so you can take care of them!”  And I did.  I didn’t really plan it out or put that much thought into it at the time, but I implemented what I knew was important.  I developed a set of self-care steps I still live by today.

1. For as long as I can remember I have woken up with the mentality that it is a great day until I am proven wrong or otherwise.  Jump out of bed being excited for the day instead of focusing on what is not good (I didn’t sleep well for months during my separation and divorce proceedings, so I looked forward to the mornings when I could finally get up and stop trying
2. Every day I am grateful for my boys and my health.  As soon as you take time to be grateful for people and things in your life you will feel better about everything.  It is a great way to start the day.  Being grateful carried me through my divorce with a little help from the next one…
3. Be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself as you would treat your child or your best friend.  Listen to your dreams, recognize and love your strength, grace and what you give to those around you.  You are amazing.  You are a beautiful person and the world is a better place because you are here.  Love who you are!  You only get to do this once, so don’t spend your days with negative self-talk.
4. Exercise. For me that meant going to the gym almost every day and lifting heavy and sweating a lot.  I worked out my feelings there; sometimes to the point of tears.  It was a form of release for me.  This might look different for you, but bottom line; do something that is good for your physical body every day.
5. Surround yourself with positive people.  And along with that phase out the negative ones.  You know who they are… they such the energy out of you every time you are together.  Life is too short for that.  I love being able to find laughter with a friend at the end of a lousy day.
6. Take risks.  Open yourself up to new experiences, new friends and new challenges.  And then be really proud of yourself for doing just that.
7. Practice daily self affirmations.  This was not easy to learn to do, and I am still working on it, but it really works!  I tell myself and anyone within earshot how brilliant I am, or funny.  I remind my boys regularly how lucky they are to have such an amazing mom 😉  We all laugh when I do this, but it truly makes you feel better.  I also do this privately in a slightly more serious way.
8. Learn to let go of resentment and forgive others as well as yourself.  If your day is filled with negative thoughts of others and/or yourself nothing really good is going to happen.  We attract the same energy that we put out.
9. Grow.  Make sure some time is spent each and every day growing as a person.  Learn something new, take a course, watch a TED talk, read about a topic you didn’t even know existed or really listen to people talking around you and learn from their experiences.  As I always say; “It has been a great day if I have learned something new”  I absolutely love learning.  Especially if I am not expecting to.
10. Spend time alone.  Learn to love the beauty and serenity of being with yourself, by yourself.  Very few things make me grumpy, but if someone interferes with this…. not good.

These steps are in no particular order of importance.  My life has changed through the practice of self-care, and it is because of this that I want to share it with you.  It simply feels wrong not to.  I spent the whole day working on my 4-week workshop series which will guide and help my clients through this process.  I am so excited!

Do you practice self-care?  What are some of your favourite things that nurture your true spirit?  Do you think some of these steps can help you?

I would love to hear from you!

Elisabeth xo

I found my joy. How can I help other women do the same?

I had the pleasure of spending a day with a bright, sweet, kind, creative, beautiful young woman this weekend.  We talked about dreams, wants, the future.  You know, small stuff 😉

She just finished her first degree, but like so many young people her age has no idea where to go from here.  Back to school?  Work?  In what field?  I asked her what would her dream job look like.  She smiled.  She was dreaming for a moment, but then said “I don’t know”.  She had gone to her dream place and then dismissed it due to self-doubt in seconds.

I asked her; if there were absolutely no limitations (money, education, knowledge etc), what would her dream job be?  Now she thought a little longer and then told me her dream, and then quickly told me that there is no way it would work.  How many of you do that?  Dream and then dismiss the dream?  I used to do that all the time and honestly still do sometimes.  But I am learning to believe in my dreams whatever they may be and am loving the opportunities, people and experiences that have come into my life as a result.

I first learned this in my early 40’s.  I wish I had sooner, but better late than never.  It is my passion, and dream to help other women do the same.

No matter what your dream is, no matter what stage of life you are at; believe in your dream and you will live it.

This didn’t happen over night for me.  Without knowing what was happening at the time, and as a result of a life-altering event, I took myself on a self-discovery journey and what a joyful journey it was.  I learned so much about myself.  I learned to be happy.  I learned to forgive.  I learned what it feels like to live with joy and it is way better than without.

I have lived more, been happier, experienced more and done more in the last 5 years than in all the years previous put together.  And I have loved every second of it 🙂  I stopped living FOR others.  I live for myself.  I give myself freely, and without resentment to my children, my husband and my loved ones.   I give to make others happy because it makes me happy.  But first, I give to myself.

This is not selfish, this is self-love.  And when we love ourselves we can so much more easily love others, love what we do, and simply love life.

The young lady I spoke of earlier has a dream and it is a beautiful dream.  She couldn’t stop herself from smiling when she allowed herself to think about it as a possible reality.  She struggles with the contradictory expectations and doubts of her family, friends and society.  I told her to just put it in motion.

“Start doing today what you have to do to make your dream a reality”

Every little step counts.  But only if you truly believe in you and your dream.

What is your dream?  Are you on your way?

Dream big and never give up!

Elisabeth xo

Learn to live YOUR optimal life at our WonderWoman Retreat