Ok, hand up if you do NOT have a family event or gathering coming up that includes some complications, tension, stress…? People you find it difficult to be with but have to…? No hands… that’s what I thought.
Christmas is all about getting together with family and friends.
Spending time together under the happy, grateful “glow” of the season. Spending time with friends is the easy part – we choose those. It’s the family that can be challenging. And to make things more complicated, many of us are trying to coordinate things with her/his family, blended families, in-laws, etc. Some choose to get on a plane and skip it all while sipping colourful beverages on a beach. I have definitely considered it… Being a divorced, mother of 4, remarried, stepmom to 3, I have a lot of people with different expectations to keep happy. Let me share some things I have learned about juggling it all and somehow still loving my family…and them loving me…for the most part anyway 😉
1. Stick with the plan! And the key word here is plan. Talk to your close family. Get a sense of what works for everyone. Make a plan for when/where you will all get together to celebrate. And then stick with it. Someone is going to complain, whine and/or accuse you of not being considerate. Calmly explain that this is what works best for most people. Everyone was considered.
2. Don’t make it all about Christmas Day – Make new Traditions. Traditionally, if we didn’t have divorces and our children were young without spouses and everything was “perfect & easy”, Christmas Day
is when one gets together. That is Christmas after all. However, if are a lot of different elements pulling on those that are the most important to you, maybe pick a different night, day or morning and do it then. Make a new tradition where everyone comes to your house on Boxing Day for a family brunch, fun in the snow and a casual dinner. You are much more likely to have everyone come and you will make your children so happy one day when they don’t have to juggle you with their in-laws all on Christmas Day. It is about being together after all.
3. Include in preparations. If you know that there is a child for example who is struggling with a new family scenario and new 
traditions or someone who feels they are giving something up by not having it at their house, then include them in the planning. They can help you decorate, determine place settings at the table and bring their favorite traditional foods. We always use place settings at family functions now after one fateful Thanksgiving that ended in disaster.
4. Sometimes you can’t win – Accept it (wine helps)! Despite all efforts and trying the strategies above, accept that you will never make everyone happy. Sometimes you can do everything you think possible and still be accused of being selfish, hijacking all the traditions and ruining Christmas because the ketchup is in the cupboard instead of the fridge.
5. Focus on the good things 🙂 I am a big believer in being mindful of the good things we have in our lives. I practice daily gratitude. And if things get tough during the holidays, I smile, sip my wine and remember how fortunate I am. And if you are really losing it (it does happen), then take a time out. Go for a walk, meditate… I drink more wine…
Last year, my husband and I and our combined 7 children plus his parents, and my son’s girlfriend spent Christmas Eve together at our house, celebrating a traditional Norwegian Juleaften. We had a lovely evening and the kids had fun together – YAY! I was slightly drunk and all was merry – for 24 hours anyway 😉
I wish you and all of yours the very very best Christmas. Be grateful for the ones you love and enjoy your time together.
Elisabeth xo
Oh, and hug your mom this Christmas. She tried really hard.
A Mom trying to make it all work! 